My day started perfectly. Snuggling with the one I love (Chuck, not Tom Brady), with the bathroom window SECURELY locked so that we weren’t invaded by wayward children. Peace….calm….birds singing….and of course, I had to roll over to check my iPhone. (Don’t effing lie. You do it too.) I scrolled through my newsfeed and saw a post by an artist whose work Chuck and I have admired since we started our married life together in Kansas City in 1993, Mike Savage. He had a booth at the Plaza Art Fair & I swooned over his work. He used to display it in Minsky’s Pizza, which we frequented and one of the paintings of a chef at the Minsky’s location in Overland Park, where we lived, looked JUST like Chuck’s uncle, Lowell. Anyway, we admired his work and I always said one day I would own an original. (That day is coming, Mike, I promise!) This morning he posted another of his beautiful works on Facebook and I “liked” it and commented that he was immensely talented. At some point, I rolled back over to sleep a bit more and when I woke I had a notification that he had posted on my timeline. I expected a “Thanks for your sweet comment. Does anyone ever tell you that you look like Sofia Vergara?” or something similar. What I found was this, with the caption, “Morning, mommy!”:
It’s one of the sweetest things that anyone has ever done for me! (And MUCH sweeter than lying and telling me I look like Sofia, though we DO both have dark hair.) I had posted an Instagram pic of Apollo the night before and with a few strokes of a pen, Mike took that & created a work of art immediately recognizable to me as Apollo, right down to THE LOOK IN HIS EYES. I’m humbled.
So, after having a delicious breakfast of bacon and eggs and realizing that the temperature was perfect and the sun was out, I deemed my day awesome & did what all asshats do when their life is going nicely. I posted it on Facebook! “The sun is shining! Birds are singing! Chuck has his teeth in! Happy unicorns just flew out of my ass!” Later today, I planned to stair climb with my trainer, take Brooks to practice, finish another book, organize my den, go eat fried pickles with my mother…..WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?
Well, THIS IS WHAT. My dog could go running into the neighbor’s yard and ROLL AROUND IN FECAL MATTER & come inside to present himself to me while I’m chomping on bacon & loading the dishwasher. My dog that I paid thirty-six freaking dollars, this past Monday, to have bathed by people trained in that skill, is now covered in the smelly excrement of one of his canine buddies. He couldn’t be happier: “Hey mom! Wanna scratch my ears? Where’s my treat? Am I not adorable? Odor? What odor? That’s just those boys you smell! Really, can I have some bacon? No, a whole piece, bitch! Nice try though!” I had to drop what I was doing and bathe his stinky ass so he didn’t rub shit anywhere in my house. Read that as ON MY NEW COUCH, if you will.
So…… I now have a beautiful sketched portrait of my dog, who is once again fragrant and beautiful and sporting his new preppy bowtie that his best dog buddy, Senna Bartlett, picked out for him. AND I have proof that the internet is a powerful thing & that random acts of kindness are awesome. If someone will just beat Tiger for the Master’s title, I can move past having to deal with a dog flinging shit everywhere. (Kidding, I’m over it.) And if you would like to pass on the love of Mike Savage, go perform a random act of kindness. You will feel SO good. I promise.